


Sloth

by tonkssweeney



Series: The Seven Deadly Sins Anthology [6]
Category: Hanson (Band)
Genre: Brother/Brother Incest, Cheating, Depression, Lies, M/M, Prayer, Seven Deadly Sins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 03:51:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19760023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonkssweeney/pseuds/tonkssweeney
Summary: Zac struggles with the fallout from his fight with Taylor.





	Sloth

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for the slow updates! I'm participating in Camp Nanowrimo and my brain is fried. :) 
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy this part! Only one left to go after this.

**2013**

_Sloth: A reluctance to work or make an effort._

If rock bottom was considered the lowest of all lows, then Zac Hanson was six feet beneath it. As far as he was concerned, he was in his own personal Hell and no one could save him. Not even the prayers he recited every night before he went to sleep helped him. He felt lost in every meaning of the word, and he felt doomed to spend the rest of his life in agony.

It had been two months since Taylor broke up with him in their studio; two months since he lost the most important part of him. Taylor had chosen Natalie and Alex over him, shattering his heart into a million indistinguishable pieces, leaving him critically wounded like a soldier on the battlefield. After Zac cut himself on multiple fragments of glass while trashing Taylor's office at 3CG, he had unquestionably felt like he'd been through a war and came out on the losing side. He was physically and emotionally battered, unsure that his scars would ever go away.

There were no more late night meet ups and secret _I love you_ texts. There were only awkward run ins at the studio and averting eyes at family gatherings. They were situations in which Zac tried to avoid to the best of his ability, because seeing Taylor broke him all over again. Over time, Zac's prayers changed from desperate pleas to win Taylor back to cries for the pain to stop. He prayed that an Earthquake would split the Earth and swallow him whole so that he didn't have to live in such agony. In his mind, that scenario seemed more plausible than to actually have Taylor show up at his doorstep and proclaim his love for him; to choose him over Alex, Natalie, and drugs. 

Two months without Taylor by his side was like two months without air and Zac was suffocating, wondering if the day would ever come that he'd no longer need oxygen. Those things which used to bring him joy, like painting and playing video games, felt more like soul draining tasks rather than hobbies of pleasure. With each day that passed, Zac fell farther into the abyss of despair until he finally gave up hope and stopped praying for help. He'd pretty much accepted his new pathetic, lonely life. He couldn't see the possibility of a light at the end of the tunnel without Taylor beside him.

As the days ticked on, Zac became less and less involved in his family's life. He'd lost the will to pretty much function like a normal human in society. He could barely drag himself out of bed to go to the bathroom, let alone take a shower and participate in whatever Kate had planned for the kids that day. His bed was his safe haven, and the covers were his armor. 

The first month he spent in bed was relatively easy to get away with, because he told Kate that he'd caught the flu and needed to barricade himself in the bedroom in order to get well, not wanting to spread the sickness onto the rest of the family. Thinking of a justification for the second month was significantly harder, as he'd pretty much lost the will to think of any more creative excuses for his bizarre behavior. He spent his days sleeping, and when he wasn't sleeping he was staring blankly at the TV as the audio buzzed in his eardrums. During his hibernation he sometimes thought of unique song ideas, but even those weren't enough to draw him out of his stupor. He was bled dry, or so it seemed. 

Zac squinted his eyes at the ribbon of sunlight pouring through a crack in his curtains. With a grunt he pulled his blanket over his face, leaving just his forehead and his matted bedhead visible. He tried to pretend to be asleep when he felt the mattress dip next to him, a tell tale sign that Kate had entered the room. She always came in to check on him, to try to talk to him, but he couldn't. He wouldn't.

"Zac," Kate's voice was soft and loving, which only made him feel worse. He noted that she was speaking to him in the tone she usually reserved for their two children and it was enough for him to acknowledge her presence. "I think it's about time you got out of bed, honey. It's been eight and a half weeks..."

With a sigh, he rolled onto his back and pushed his blanket down to his waist. "I need more time, Kate. I'm not ready to-"

_I'm not ready to live without him. I'm not ready to see how happy he is without me._

"...get out of bed. I'm tired, and I don't feel well. I don't feel like myself," he replied. At least his words were truthful, even if he wasn't sharing the context behind them. 

Kate frowned deeply and brushed a few hairs out of Zac's face and he felt absolutely nothing. He was complete stone, minus a crack in his chest that was threatening to tear him apart. When she left the room without a word, he resumed his former position on his side, blankets pulled over his eyes. Maybe Kate had given up on him just like he'd given up on himself.

Two and a half more weeks passed before Zac finally had an urge to leave the bedroom, moseying into the kitchen for actual sustenance when he knew the house was empty. Living on whatever snacks and drinks Kate stocked in the mini fridge in their bedroom had been sufficient up until that point. The house was quiet, and the clock read two in the afternoon, leading Zac to believe that Kate had most likely taken the kids to the park, or over to Taylor and Natalie's house.

 _Taylor and Natalie's house._ The words made Zac's stomach feel sour, replacing the hunger he had felt moments ago. Then his mind drifted, and he wondered how involved Alex was in their lives. Did Taylor bring him home for family dinners or did he hide at Alex's place, secretly getting high and fucking him till the sun came up? Zac didn't want to think about it any longer, and he needed to do all he could to stave off those thoughts.

With his appetite gone, Zac reached into the liquor cabinet to pull out a bottle of whiskey before heading back into his sanctuary of a bed. As he gulped it down, the amber liquid burned his throat and stomach in a way that felt cleansing to him. Maybe it would burn away his sins and in the morning he could start anew.

He drank until two thirds of the bottle were gone and he was amply blitzed into oblivion. The room was spinning yet it was the most steady he'd felt in months. When Kate walked into the room some-odd hours later, he'd barely even noticed. It wasn't until she was hovering over him, a hand gripping his chin with surprising strength for how petite she was, that Zac shook out of his haze.

"What?" he asked in confusion. He knew she'd been talking but he hadn't heard any of it. It may have well been Charlie Brown's teacher talking, for all he knew.

"I've been calling your name for two minutes! What in Heaven's name is going on with you, Zachary?!"

"Nothing! I didn't hear you, that's s'all." If his odd behavior didn't give it away, he was sure his slurred speech would do the trick.

Kate stared at Zac in utter bewilderment. "You're drunk," she said matter-of-factly. "Did you drink all of this?" She reached for the bottle of whiskey on the nightstand and shook it around like the amount of liquid in the bottle was an optical illusion. She was pissed, Zac could tell, but he wasn't really in the mood for one of her holier than thou lectures.

He nodded and moved up until he was slumped against the headboard, fighting the urge to vomit at how suddenly dizzy he was feeling. "Yeah I did. And it made me feel better until you came in here and-"

"Don't you dare say it, Zachary Walker," Kate scolded him like a child, which was fitting given the pout on his face. "You have been completely absent from our lives for almost four months! You don't get to give me that attitude with no explanation. Tell me what is going on NOW!"

They looked at each other like two kindergartners having a staring contest until Zac, seeing double, finally gave in. It wouldn't hurt him to share at least a half truth with Kate; he owed her at least that much. "Taylor and I had a fight last December and he hurt me, badly. I can't s-seem to get over it," he stuttered. He exhaled loudly, feeling both relieved and like the wind had been knocked out of his lungs at the same time. 

Zac noticed the boldness slowly disappear from Kate's face as it turned into a guise of concern. "Okay. That makes a lot of sense now that you told me. But I wish you would have shared this with me months ago, Zac. I could've helped you."

"What do you mean 'it makes sense'?" He tried his best not to slur his speech given the fact that this was the most important conversations they'd had in months and what she said piqued his interest.

"Natalie told me that Taylor has been acting strangely, too, for as long as you have been. He keeps arguing with her over frivolous things and over the New Year he started sleeping in the spare room." She gently placed her hand over Zac's and gave it a squeeze of reassurance. "Is there something going on that I should know about, Zac?"

Zac's heart kicked into overdrive at the implication behind Kate's question. She was giving him an out, or so it seemed, but did he have the courage to take it?

_"It's just not plausible. You know that."_

_"We've got to stop pretending that what we have is normal."_

_"We need to just live in the moment."_

Taylor's words flooded his mind along with the memories of Zac begging for his love and his commitment. Rehashing those memories were enough to draw Zac back into his three month long coma. Taylor may have loved him in his own fucked up away, but he didn't love him in the way he needed to be loved. It wasn't enough for him.

Zac's throat felt dry and he swallowed harshly. "There is nothing to know," he finally answered. It was his own way of beginning the process of finally letting go.

"Good." Kate seem relieved, and she pressed a kiss to Zac's forehead. After a moment of peace where she stroked his hair and tucked it behind his ears, she spoke up again. "Because I'm pregnant. It's still early, but I'm pregnant, Zac. We are so blessed. You see that, don't you?"

Zac feigned a smile at Kate's words even though guilt was eating away at his insides. Blessing and pregnant didn't belong in the same sentence together, especially because he knew the child was conceived on a night when he tried to hate fuck Taylor out of his life.

"Wow," he whispered, trying to sound more excited than someone who just pounded fifteen ounces of whiskey in an effort to escape their depression.

"Now I know you're going through some stuff," Kate explained, a sense of hesitation in her voice. "And I understand that you're hurting. But I'm going to need you as this baby grows. I'm going to need you to be an adult and a father. Do you understand what I'm saying?" Zac nodded. "Good. So whatever is going on with you, figure it out and fix it. Our next OB appointment is in four weeks, and you better be there with me, Zachary."

He nodded again, feigning another smile, his facial muscles getting weaker by the second. "Four weeks, got it. I'll be there."

"I'm going to go start dinner for Shep and Junia. I'll bring you a plate shortly." Kate kissed him on the forehead once more before leaving the room and shutting the door behind her. 

He waited until he was certain that she'd gone down to the kitchen and quickly downed the rest of his bottle of whiskey. Four weeks. He'd have four weeks to sleep and cry and punch pillows and drink himself into a robotic haze before he'd have to be human again. Four more weeks to get over Taylor.

Zac rolled onto his side and pulled the blankets up to his chin, nuzzling into his pillow sleepily. The setting sun highlighted the copper cross sitting on Kate's nightstand next to their wedding picture, and he frowned deeply. It was a sign, he was sure of it.

He had four more weeks until he needed to crawl back out of the depths of Hell and join the land of the living, and it all started with one simple act - forgiving Taylor for not loving him the way he needed to be loved.


End file.
